Let's Talk

Over the last couple of weeks, I have been silent. I remained silent as I mourned the deaths of the nine precious individuals of Charleston. I silently grieved with the faith community of Emanuel AME Church and the people of my home state, South Carolina. I prayed in silence for the perpetrator, his soul and for his family. All of these are my people. I am a part of them and they of me. I grieved, prayed and reflected silently.

In the days that followed, I became prideful once again of the great state of SC as they prayed, hugged, worshipped, held vigils, forgave and even marched in the spirit of unity and love. The nation and world could most assuredly learn from these images and news stories.

Today, my heart aches as voices across the country shift the conversation and focus. The issues are not about a flag, gun control, people carrying guns or not, racism or the past. I am not interested in joining that conversation. That conversation is for another day. Today, in my opinion, should be about conversing and focusing on the REAL issues. I see three of them: (1) the misplaced ideology of freedom, (2) the state of morality in the U. S., and (3) the lack of focus on mental health issues. All four of them have a common thread of a spiritual void.

The ideological view of freedom in our nation has gone so far to the left that people are adopting the belief that individuals are free to do whatever, whenever and wherever. Freedom came to this nation with a huge price, but it also came to us with parameters/boundaries. I was always taught that my freedom ended where another’s began. Politicians, activists and Hollywood have been inching toward no parameters/boundaries for years, and we accept behaviors under the umbrella of “freedom acts” that trample on the rights of others. Freedom is precious. Freedom is not free. Freedom is not a right to do whatever, whenever, wherever or with whomever. Freedom doesn’t get to maximize its potential without a regard for others. Let’s go back to the basics and talk about freedom and its relationship to “do no harm.” You my brothers (and sisters) were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge in sinful behavior; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command, “Love your neighbor as yourself. (Galatians 5:13-14)

The state of morality in the U. S. has plummeted and is not much higher than the lowest cesspool. The newspapers, television, talk shows and social media are filled with stories of the fall of morality. We focus our attention more on the dramatic, negative sides, and ill-gotten gains of society rather than the good. When you focus so much on the negatives most assuredly only more negatives are to come. Just a matter of the replication theory. Focus on the positives of people in our newspapers, television talk shows and social media and good things will start to happen. So let’s talk about what we are allowing the media to feed our minds and hearts, but wait, that’s a freedom issue! Finally, brothers (and sisters), whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:8)

Mental health is a thread that weaves through most events as witnessed in Charleston. According to Sarah Kiff of the Washington Post (12/17/2012), the mental health-care system in this nation is not big enough to handle all of the needs. She poignantly points out in her article: (1) approximately 5.6% of our healthcare budget go toward mental health care, (2) mental health dollars mostly goes toward prescription drugs and outpatient treatment, (3) access to mental health care is worse than other types of medical services, (4) 45% of the untreated individuals cite costs as a barrier, (5) negative attitudes toward mental health treatment become barriers, (6) states cut mental health dollars during the recession, and (7) the Affordable HealthCare Act is to require insurance companies to pay for certain mental health treatments. The bottom line for me is this: the mental health of our citizens should be a priority. Downplaying the mental stability and need for treatment, inpatient and outpatient, will only give rise to negative behaviors and more people becoming victimized. Want talk about mental health? The waters closed in over me to take my life; the deep surrounded me; weeds were wrapped about my head at the roots of the mountains. I went down to the land whose bars closed upon me forever; yet you brought up my life from the pit, O Lord my God. (Jonah 2:5-6)

There will be those who read this and berate it. There will be those who read and proclaim, “This is from a simpleton.” There will be those who read and want to debate. There will be those who read and will want to intellectualize it. There will be those who will read and want to proof text the Scripture used. That’s okay.

I am a simple person. A person of simple faith. I believe in God and believe in Satan. I believe in the Spirit of Good and the Spirit of Evil. Freedom can be good and evil. Morality can be good and evil. Mental health can manifest good and evil. Good comes from God, evil from Satan. Each and every day I deal with children who challenge the bounds of freedom, push the limits of morality, suffer from mental health issues and manifest certain behaviors that teeter on the realm of evil. There is no one pill or spiritual experience that makes it all magically disappear. By treating the whole person (spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically), we have a much better chance at success and transformation.

I don’t want to converse about a flag, a gun, some type of “ism” or camp out in the past. A conversation is needed both inside and outside of the Church. I want to converse with and focus on people, individuals and groups, seeking to make a better life for one and all. Is that too much to ask?

Just one man’s mind.

(Photos from Washington Post, The Post and Courier and ABC News)

Voices from Appalachia

Just yesterday I spent some time on our Buckhorn campus with my daughter, Sarah, who is a critical care nurse at Children’s of Alabama, giving her the “fifty cents” tour and letting her meet some of “my children” whom I often talk much about and love dearly. I was awestruck once more by the many conversations, hugs, fist bumps and laughter that we encountered.

This week we have a Baptist Church from TN hosting an afterschool programming and activities on this particular campus so Sarah and I had a chance to “hang out.” While hanging out the following happened:

• “Hey boss man (one young lady affectionately calls me), I’m mad at you!” “Why?” I responded. “Because of your policies I can’t make a home visit this weekend.” “Why?” “Because I was involved in an incident that cost me my privileges.” “So your choice of actions are now my fault?” “No, it’s your policies!” “Our policies are designed to protect you, protect your peers and protect our staff. Policies are designed to help you make right choices that will promote health, healing and hope.” “I know. I just want to be mad at somebody and since you’re the boss man I thought you would be the right person! Plus I like you a lot!”
• “Hey Mr. Ricky, we are writing letters to the folk at the nursing home, and we thought we would write a letter to you!” The letter read “Don’t get old on us!” and was initialed by all the children involved. When asked why they didn’t want me to get old, they stated, “Because we like you.”
• A young lady came up to me smiled and showed me her arms. “Look Mr. Ricky, I haven’t self-harmed in 21 days. I get to go see my aunt this weekend!”
• “Hey Mr. Ricky, do you remember that time I was acting out and you came to campus just because of me?” “Yes I do.” “I guess I’m special, eh?” Yes, you are special.”

The fortunate thing about these statements is they can be multiplied many times over, not because of what I do and say, but because of the caring, loving, committed and passionate staff that work for Buckhorn Children and Family Services to provide a sanctuary of health, healing and hope. Yes, I get the joys of being with the children anytime I want to, but the fact is that our cottage staff are with our children continuously through the good and bad times. It’s the good times that make the bad times tolerable and remind us of why we do what we do.

Unfortunately, for the children in KY, things aren’t getting any better. In yesterdays’ publication of The Courier Journal, reporter Deborah Yetter, casted an article that should make us all shudder! “The number of KY children removed from homes because of abuse or neglect has reached more than 8,000—the highest in memory for child advocates who find the increase alarming. Officials cite drug abuse, domestic violence and poverty as among the reasons for the steady rise.” Not only does the article cite the rise in abuse and neglect, but it also cites that children survivors have increased needs and services more than ever before.

 

As the rates of out-of-home placements rise so does the need for foster care and residential services. The financial burden on the State increases and so does the burden for residential services. Neither the government nor private child care agencies can respond in total. It takes a nation of people to respond to the outcry of abused and neglected children.

As a person of faith, I believe it is incumbent upon the faith community to intentionally engage in personal, family and church involvement on behalf of our children. Not just for Buckhorn but for all children worldwide! So, how can you help?

• Send a personal check. One that is more than a contribution. One that is a sacrifice.
• Pray about fostering a child.
• Host a fundraiser in your home, work and/or church.
• Be an advocate for policies that address abuse and neglect.
• Personally volunteer or coordinate a mission trip to a residential facility.
• Pray, Pray, Pray.

Andrew

Andrew Ethridge had the kind of story that makes you marvel at the human spirit. Raised as the younger of two sons of a United Methodist Pastor, Andrew knew all too well the joys and pitfalls of being a PK (Preacher’s Kid) but what he did with those joys and pitfalls makes one stand in awe of him and his life.

I had the marvelous privilege of serving with his father at Oak Grove United Methodist Church as Minister of Administration and Missions. I remember fondly Andrew’s large smile, devilish shenanigans and passion for entrepreneurial business ventures. He loved games, sports, fishing, church and family. But what endeared me to him was his love for my daughter, Stephanie.

We relocated to Decatur, GA from serving in Alabama for sixteen years and uprooted Stephanie during her high school years. This proved traumatic for her but like a Creech she rose to the occasion but it was not without the help of Andrew. 

It was his smile, his ability to help integrate her into the youth ministry and joking around with his “Creechie” that made the relocation become one of her fondest memories. Because of Andrew she still has friends from this period of her life.

Andrew was an all-American young man. He graduated from Brookwood High School. He was a member of the marching band and participated in band competitions against Stephanie’s school, Parkview, of which she was a member of the color guard. He loved to fish and has caught more and bigger fish than I ever will. He was a golfer and avid fan of the University of Georgia (Roll Tide!) and professional hockey. He sang in youth choir and was an active member of the youth group. 

Andrew was an inspiration. Four years ago he was diagnosed with brain cancer. But he continued on with life and married his high school sweetheart, Kristin, and earned an Associate’s degree from Oxford College of Emory University. At the time of his death on May 12 he was a BBA student at Emory University’s Goizueta Business School. 

As I think back on our years with Andrew, I remember his goal was to become a millionaire before 30 and he was well on his way before he ever graduated high school. I never saw such a young man with so much passion for being an entrepreneur. He even made me want to buy things he had for sale! But there were some times when his decisions went awry. I remember one time when Andrew and his sidekick, Zac, went a little wayward…daddy Glenn decided to teach them a lesson through hard labor by having them landscape the church flower beds. It was a lesson well learned. I even felt sorry for them on that dreadful hot summer day!

On Monday night when I had received the call from Stephanie that he was fighting for his life I was right in the middle of dealing with some of our children at Buckhorn Children and Family Services who were wanting to end theirs.

I sat down with one young lady and told her of Andrew’s story. The will, the determination, the drive and the passion with which he fought. In Georgia was a young man fighting for his life while in Kentucky one was wishing she could end hers. My heart broke. It broke for Andrew and it broke for her. Oh how I wish she could have met Andrew and heard his story from his own lips.

As ministers, we face life and death every day. No one lives forever but some are just taken too soon. Andrew lived an amazing life. Did he fulfill all of his dreams? No. But he did leave a lot of memories behind. As for me and my family we are forever grateful that our paths crossed his. We are blessed because of him.

When Andrew began this fight we hoped he would defeat cancer. Cancer took his physical life, but it did not quench his spirit...he beat cancer when he did not let cancer take away his Spirit. ---Dr. Glenn Ethridge, Andrew's father

Mrs. Chief

There aren’t enough words that can summarize the life of Mrs. Imogene Vickery. I could mention a few fond memories but that would be inadequate to bear witness to her life. Although it has been some years since living in Barnwell, time and distance does little to diminish true friendship.

Know that what I am about to mention is only a fraction of who Mrs. Vickery was but this is my witness account of her life.

First of all, I have to say, I never called her Mrs. Imogene, Mrs. Vickery or any other variation of her name…to me and the countless firefighters and families across Barnwell County she was Mrs. Chief. And she right deserves every image that that title conjures up in your mind.

Mrs. Chief encompassed what it means to be a woman from the South. She meant much too many people in this community. If anybody knew her, they would know that she was a woman full of life, compassion and love. A mender to the broken, a friend to the friendless, a healer to the sick, a sage to the unwise, a faithful wife to her husband, mother to her children and MeMe to her grandchildren.

She was many things to many people…she was a love of Lake Murray, lover of birds and animals, and a customer services representative for many years. But her fame was really centered on family, firefighters, church and the Eastern Star. Many who were graced by her presence always knew when at her house ask for some sweet tea!

Her love not only applied too people but her love extended to animals. Shortly after Donna, my wife, and I got married we were roaming around in Columbia Mall and found a Pet Store. Needless to say, the sales people did their job and we adopted a little Pekinese pup and named him Sparky.

Growing up in the country, I never had any inside pets. It didn’t take long to realize that an inside pet took animal care to a whole new level! They do not operate on your time, it’s their time…matter of fact EVERYTHING is on their time! But once Mrs. Chief saw Sparky for the first time she said, I want that dog! Donna and I laughed and though she was just kidding but after three weeks of hearing I want that dog! and Donna and I getting up at all hours of the night and in all weather conditions to walk and let Sparky do his thing…we relented and let Mrs. Chief adopt Sparky. From then on, wherever Mrs. Chief went, Sparky went. When he was sick or not feeling well he went to the doctor. Before the end of his life he had more surgeries and medicine than most humans! Mrs. Chief loved her Sparky and she always gave us updates, even after we left Barnwell.

Mrs. Chief also had an affinity for birds. She loved Sparrows. Just this morning the family text me that a blue Sparrow came to her bird feeder and they have never seen one of this type until this morning…just a reminder that God’s eye is still on the Sparrow.

The part of her that I want to focus on this morning is the part of the role Mrs. Chief played within the Tribes of her biological and firefighter families. To know Mrs. Chief was to know Chief, her husband of 65 years. Out of respect she called him Chief because everyone else did but if she needed to make a point, correction or get his attention she called for Lloyd Jr.! To know Mrs. Chief was to know Charles and Carla Ann…later it was to know Mark, Sharon, Jonathan, Stephen and Ashley. Her stories were always filled with her family. From family days at Lake Murray, to holidays in Barnwell and her many road trips…there was always a story to be told. She loved her Tribe Vickery.

She also love her Tribe BFD (Barnwell Fire Department). That’s where I enter the story. In those days the fire department was filled with young men and some old, like Jimmy Baxley, that had high levels of testosterone and very low levels of common sense. It was through Tribe BFD that she was like a second mother to many. Her home always felt like our home. When she visited the first station we felt like we were in her home again! She spent a lot of hour with us and there was never a dull moment. She knew, like any mother, any time we got into mischief and all the details as well. But like a good mother she gave us time to grow and be part of her Tribe and yet, she felt comfortable correcting us or giving Chief the mandate to correct us on her behalf. Any time we were in her presence and she started a sentence that began with Now Lloyd Jr…. we knew we were gonna be held accountable for something!

There are stories from these Tribal days that would fill volumes and in order to be told we would have to be in a location other than a church. But the stories are reflections of her grace, wisdom and motherly love for us to do right the things of life.

But I do however have several I venture to share…I remember one time when celebrating an event in Riley Grubbs life. I planned this outing which involved the Vickery Farm, a corn field, a bottle, some singing and a ticking clock…all I can say about that is it didn’t end to well and I got a good talking to from Mrs. Chief once she found out. There was another incident that involved me and Neal Morris, First Baptist Church, a cooler, a wedding and a trip to Columbia. All I can say is that I took another session of time to learn from Mrs. Chief. One can only imagine the conversations Mrs. Chief and Chief had about the Tribe BFD.

There were times when she would fear for our lives. Like the time we were involved in a three alarm fire in Blackville and the Chief led the way in the burning house with the nozzle end of the hose followed by me and Captain Harry Bennett. Chief was a skilled man and as the second story of the house collapsed, Chief shoved Captain Bennett and me out of the home only for the Chief to get nicked in the by falling debris. When Mrs. Chief heard of this she called for Lloyd Jr. and wanted to know why he made us follow him into the house!

Because of her and Chief many lives were changed and many found the right path in life to journey.

Barnwell County has lost a grand lady. Tribes Vickery and BFD has lost a matriarch and all have lost a friend. She knew the love of Tribe Vickery and it is hoped that she knew the love we all had for her. Tribe Vickery was our tribe and no matter how far we had to drive or how long we had between visits, we always felt at home with her.

She may have moved on but her life lessons, faith and family values will live on forever in all of us who crossed paths with Mrs. Chief. She has left a warm place in our hearts and a smile on our faces knowing that all those that are waiting on her on the other side will be a welcomed sight.

In celebrating the life of Mrs. Chief, we celebrate the hereafter. By accepting Christ she died with Him so she could share in his resurrection. And what illness and aging did to her body, Christ has restored to health and beauty.

We have a special code and bond in the first service like no other. We have special traditions, memorials and a culture of being. While Mrs. Chief was never on the end of a nozzle, she was always on the end of our hearts.

This is our final farewell to our sister in the faith, our mother, grandmother, colleague, friend and community leader so at this time will every present and former firefighter please rise to attention as we salute Mrs. Chief and the Tribe Vickery for all that they have done to make our lives and community better.

Mrs. Chief, we know that your journey was long and filled with much happiness, love, family and friends. We were privileged to have been on that journey with you offering our love and support. We were honored and privileged to share in your life and we thank you for all that you have given back to us. We love you and say, “Farewell until we meet again.” AMEN

***From the Eulogy I delivered at First Baptist Church, Barnwell, SC on April 18, 2015.